February 2010
All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark. ~ Swami Vivekananda
January 2010
Forget Rednecks„ here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Pennsylvanians.. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May……… you may live in PA. If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don’t work there,….you may live in PA. If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong...
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A...
Pittsburgh Friends versus Other Friends #1 OTHER FRIENDS………………… Never ask for food. PITTSBURGH FRIENDS………… Are the reason you have no food. #2 OTHER FRIENDS………….. Bring a bottle of wine to your party. PITTSBURGH FRIENDS……… Bring enough for everybody, help make the food, then stay...
THIS IS A U.S. POSTAL SERVICE TRUE STORY Our dog, Abbey, died August 23, and the day after Abbey died, my 4 year old, Meredith, was SO upset. She wanted to write a letter to God so that He would recognize Abbey in heaven. She told me what to write, and I did. Then she put 2 pictures of Abbey in the envelope. We addressed it to God in Heaven, put two stamps on it because,as she said, it...
Dwight Nelson recently told a true story about the pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc. The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor decided that if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach...
If I Didn’t Have a Dog… OR CAT…… I could walk around the yard barefoot in safety. My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated. All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of hair. When the doorbell rings, it wouldn’t sound like a kennel. When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading through fuzzy bodies who beat me...
My first conversation with Cleverbot
User: Can you help me get chicks?
Cleverbot: There is no helping people like you.
User: But I'm a nice guy.
Cleverbot: Thats good.
User: How do I get a woman to have sex with me?
Cleverbot: I don't know. And didn't you say you wanted a girl earlier?
User: Over 18. I like to stay legal.
Cleverbot: And you should.
User: Do you know any pickup lines?
Cleverbot: I was hoping you could teach me some. I need help with the ladies.
User: Here's one. 'Do you know Kung Fu? Cuz yer body is kickin'.
Cleverbot: What?
User: It's a way to tell a woman she is hot.
Cleverbot: Yeah, just a minute ago, you wanted to divorce me! Are you bipolar?
User: I have Chronic Fatigue. It's different.
Cleverbot: I suppose you're thinking about slitting your wrists as well.
User: I said I was tired, not Emo.
reminds me of a program i used to have on the old computer...
In Honor of Stupid People … In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter...
Overfull email box...
Today I decided to clean out my email box and I decided to post the ones I wanted to keep.
TWO HORSES Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it. From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing. If nearby and...
HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them “ 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. 3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. ”An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the...
George Carlin’s View on Aging Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. “How old are you?” ”I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five!...
You Know You’re From or in Pennsylvania if: ~ You’ve never referred to Philadelphia as anything but “Philly”. And New Jersey has always been “Jersey”. ~ You know what “Punxsutawney Phil” (A Ground Hog) is, and what it means if he sees his shadow. ~ The first day of bus and the first day of doe season are school holidays. ~ You can see the phrase...
Tonto & The Lone Ranger The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?” The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars.” “What that tell you?” asked Tonto. The Lone Ranger...
“No one lights a lamp in order to hide it behind the door: the purpose of light...”
“The warrior fights the Good Fight and he helps others, even if he does not quite...”
Part of Point State Park Memories
As I walked towards the tunnel, my mind wandered off and remembered past times spent in the park with close friends and smiled. I didn’t much care for dark places, but the tunnel was as welcome as an old friend, smiling at me and inviting me in out of the bright warm sun. As I stepped into the cool shade I sighed, happily placing one foot in front of the other and listening to the wooden...
Part of Ghostly Travels by Stacey Jakovac
Today I was cleaning my bedroom and came across a couple of essays that I wrote for English class back when I was a freshman and thought I’d share them with you. But I’m only going to share parts, since each one is a couple of pages long. :)
Although I have never seen ghosts, I think I feel their presence when they are around. I have often felt as if I’d walked through a...
